This has the potential to be the best thread ever, but in an effort to be helpful I'd offer the solution of going to the iCloud, then Find my IPhone, click on your iPad and disable it. Or, lock it with a password and set it to disable, then try it 10 times unsuccessfully.
Or the car option. I like that.
Mikes suggestion is good, but only temporary... I would tape a wad of paper on top, then it could still be called an iPad, not an iPaper.
Going for a swim with your iPad may also be effective.
Happy to provide more suggestions if you like... I'm starting to get giddy with ideas.