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More laughs than Funnies

Hayles66

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Nope. It's just cold. I was hoping for more sun today.

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Gabriel1

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Now, before anyone complains, the name in the video is a place in the UK, but this should appeal to our Aussie friends

The Archangel
 
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The OB

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Now, before anyone complains, the name in the video is a place in the UK, but this should appeal to our Aussie friends

The Archangel

Now lissen! Jus 'cos I come frum Upotipotpon, ain't no flamin' need fur thet jokkuleritty
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1365078376.506854.jpg
Credit: Cybersalt.org

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Richard Brown

Richard Brown

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Mixed messages

I was in Marks & Sparks this morning for our food shop.

They had a super display of pasta sauces etc pushing a 3 for 2 offer.

Then, quite close by staff were setting up a running treadmill!

Now, what are they trying to say! :D :p
 

The OB

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Richard Brown

Richard Brown

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A few years ago, the motoring reporter for The Guardian test drove a Jaguar sports car. He managed to wreck the gearbox!

This led me to putting two and two together. The Guardian earned the nickname The Grauniad for its typos.

So, my fitting anagram of "The Guardian" was .. I'd a gear hunt! :)

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Asharp

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A line from a movie (whose name escapes me): "When I want your opinion, I'll give you one."
 
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Richard Brown

Richard Brown

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I've just found a website with good old jokes on it.


Here's one..... :)

A passerby watched two Warri boys in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?
' Well,'said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Ekaette plants the tree and Akpos fills in the hole. Today Ekaette is sick, but that doesn't mean Akpos and I get the day off, does it?

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Richard Brown

Richard Brown

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OK.

Trouble anyway

Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night.

He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And, every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then, she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry still continued his nightly routine.

One day, the distraught wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior. The friend listened and suggested, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? Then, he might change his ways." The wife thought this might be a good idea.
That night, Harry took off again after dinner. And, at about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition.

His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and let Harry in. Instead of beating him as she had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat Harry down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the foot stool, and took his shoes off. Then, she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a short while, she whispered to Harry, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?"

Harry replied in his inebriated state, "Heck, I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!"

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Richard Brown

Richard Brown

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Senior Driver

My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

He said, with excitement, "You appear quite elderly to be driving."

"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore."

"The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I still had a driver's license. I told him yes, and handed it to him.
He took scissors out of the drawer,cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket,saying, 'You won't need this anymore,'

---so I thanked him and left!"
 
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Richard Brown

Richard Brown

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I was amused by this story in yesterday's paper....

image-1735125863.jpg

There are loads of sat nav tales of woe..

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