Is 7 years A Long Time NOT To Be Married?

[AntonCartel]

Oi. Is this about marriage or lack thereof or moaning about us females! We have our gripes too so let's not go there!

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Oh I have no doubt there w/ you. I hear & see stories from both sides. I'm trying to be in that 1% that is solid on the males spectrum. Not bashing women. I LOVE WOMEN. Anything I say, don't mind if it doesn't apply.

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[AntonCartel]

I find that relationships are more about us than the other person. For instance, if you're consistently running into probs with women or men, it's probably because you're picking or attracting the wrong ones. If you have your own crap together, you're unlikely to end up in a bad relationship. (Having your crap together includes not being drawn to people who need "fixing.")

Of course, these are just my observations.

I agree. To say the least

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[AntonCartel]

I'm in a 4 year relationship and not even looking to get married. College and career come before anything. I plan to get married after I get a final or official job and able to make good money.

I hear yuh. Real grown of you sticking to your priorities. If only we all could've stuck to our guns.
Question: Is it me or does 4 years not seem like such a long time? As it did say 10-20 yrs from now. Life changes, economy, government, goals to keep things so fresh. Still seems to me that even after 4 years you could still have lots to learn about your mate & your relationship. Which isn't a bad thing at all. I'm in a 7 yr & it's great. Because there is still so much to learn. Things change or alter the grain which in return makes things new & have to be tracked over together.

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[AntonCartel]

This is not always the case. If children, or joint property is involved and the relationship turns sour, then legally you are better off being married. This, of course is NOT a reason to get married!!

I hear yuh. Truthfully I have fathered no kids. When I met my women she already had a 3 month old. At first I thought it would just be a fling. I wanted the real father to be in his child's life w/ no problems from me, 22, who wasn't ready to be a full-time parent.
But the father didn't want to be there w/ out getting perks from his baby mother & I fell in love w/ his son & wouldn't let'em grow up without a father. Plus I also fell in love w/ his mother.
So they moved in to my house not too long after.

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[AntonCartel]

In my opinion, I dont think there is a set time in which is best to get married. I mean my mum and stepdad got married after 2 years being together and that was 10 years ago, whereas my dad and his fiancee have been together for about 6 years and they're not rushing to get married. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half and yeah we've spoke about maybe getting married in a couple of years but we're in no rush. If the time is right, it's right. If not, I don't think it will affect anything but that's just my opinion

I agree. NO RUSH.

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[SweetPoison]

Did you know you can quote all of these posts at the same time? It is the tab with " at the right end.

Please do that! There is no need to quote 20 posts since you were here last, one by one.

 

[AntonCartel]

Let start off by saying I am married, I have two kids, and I (unfortunately) own two houses.

Three things I always say:

Never buy a house (rent and let it be someone else's problem)
Never have kids (if you can't take care of yourself or are not prepared to think LONG and hard about what it entails, don't do it)
Never get married (costs too much money to get married and costs to much to get out of it)

Only one I regret is buying my house and having the other to rent to my in laws. My kids are awesome I would not trade them for the world. But I have these thoughts as to how I am going to handle things when crap hits the fan, get into fights at school, get made fun of for some reason, etc etc etc. Those are the things you don't think of when you're planning on kids.

If you're happy with your situation, then stay that way. Nothing changes after your married besides her name and your bank account.

That's great advice. Which is prolly why I'm not getting married any time soon. I'm watching my money.

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[AntonCartel]

For me, the No. 1 reason to get married is that, because I'd committed to one person, I wanted to make sure that if anything happened to him, I would be able to take care of him. For instance, if it comes down to life-or-death medical decisions, I know I will do my best for my husband, and vice versa. If anything happens, it will be decided by me or him, no one else.

If I'm commited to one person, I will not let anything keep me from taking care of him, including all the benefits that go to spouses in case of injury, death, etc., such as Social Security, pensions, insurance, other inheritance rights.

Of course nothing is certain, people change and can grow apart, and divorce can be messy and expensive. That's what marriage means to me: that I'm willing to take those risks because that's how much I believe in my husband.

I was involved in a terrible motorcycle accident almost five years ago. Nearly lost my life. My current girlfriend, GOD Bless her heart, told the surgeons, not to amputate my whole left arm. Which was what they were prepared to due. I love her for that. Bacause since then I've been able to bring back sufficient mobility to it.
I personally am not caught up in what happens in the event of her passing. Because I fully intend on taking care of her (& our son) to the fullest until my unfortunate passing. My family & her know how I'd like it to be.

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[AntonCartel]

Did you know you can quote all of these posts at the same time? It is the tab with " at the right end.

Please do that! There is no need to quote 20 posts since you were here last, one by one.

Thank you! This rook has much to learn.

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[Kaykaykay]

I was involved in a terrible motorcycle accident almost five years ago. Nearly lost my life. My current girlfriend, GOD Bless her heart, told the surgeons, not to amputate my whole left arm. Which was what they were prepared to due. I love her for that. Bacause since then I've been able to bring back sufficient mobility to it.
I personally am not caught up in what happens in the event of her passing. Because I fully intend on taking care of her (& our son) to the fullest until my unfortunate passing. My family & her know how I'd like it to be.

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Glad that your situation worked out. Without being married, though, it's luck of the draw whether hospitals, etc., will act according to a girlfriend's wishes. Legally, she has no rights to make medical decisions for you unless you give her power of attorney, or you are married.

By the way, if you died and were married, your wife would be entitled to survivor benefits under Social Security, provided you've been paying into the system. That would be one way you could take care of someone you love, even if you're no longer able to.

 

[kingnba6]

i believe after the age of 25, marriage comes a lot quicker. being young you have a lot to think about like what you plan on doing with your life, wheres the money coming from and all that. after 25 most people have steady jobs and basically have their own life. and to get married, it happens within 5 years mostly 4. 1 year of being together, then moving in together so 2 years. then getting engaged for the 3rd year and the 4th year marriage.

 

[Kaykaykay]

i believe after the age of 25, marriage comes a lot quicker. being young you have a lot to think about like what you plan on doing with your life, wheres the money coming from and all that. after 25 most people have steady jobs and basically have their own life. and to get married, it happens within 5 years mostly 4. 1 year of being together, then moving in together so 2 years. then getting engaged for the 3rd year and the 4th year marriage.

Agreed that it's not a good idea to consider marriage in college, because your early 20s are a time of lots of growth. And generally people who are in college can't even support themselves, so I don't consider them independent adults. But I don't agree that there's some kind of math formula for getting married, as you've described. And some people should simply never marry.

I think people should only get married if they're mature, and that comes at different ages for different people. And no matter how mature you are, or how ready you are for marriage, life's circumstances vary. You might not meet the right person, you might have career plans or opportunities that conflict, etc.

Getting into any relationship because of what society or others expect is a bad way to start any relationship, IMO. That's what you're suggesting with a marriage timeline for people.

 

[kingnba6]

im not saying that its a formula. i am saying that if you plan to get married then thats the course that most people take. most couples who know they are or will get married, tend to go out for 1-2 years, then move in and after they feel it is possible to live with each other then they get engaged and so on

 

[Kaykaykay]

im not saying that its a formula. i am saying that if you plan to get married then thats the course that most people take. most couples who know they are or will get married, tend to go out for 1-2 years, then move in and after they feel it is possible to live with each other then they get engaged and so on

I don't know if that pattern is accurate, but let's say it is. I don't know whether that's a pattern for success when half of couples in the U.S. end up divorcing. Seems like many of them should've taken longer or not married.

 

[kingnba6]

yeah i understand what you are saying. but what i am trying to say is that the older you get, the quicker you want everything to move (and i am not talking about like 50 years old i mean like when women complain about their clock ticking away)

time has the biggest impact on relations. as you get older you dont need to spend as much time with them as compared to a college love or high school love. the older you get the wiser you spend your time. so in theory time plays the greatest factor in marriage and relationships.