@willerz2
I reinstalled itunes, tried editing the hosts file and installed tinyumbrella, to no avail. Then I grabbed an unused work laptop, put a completely clean install of Win 7 on there, installed a fresh install of itunes, and tried. error 3194. tried editing the host file: error 3194. Ran the TinyUmbrella service: Its going! Its going! -> error 1601.
Tried different usb cable, tried different USB ports. **** all. Error 1601 with TU running, 3194 without it.
I then downloaded the latest Redsn0w, hoping to use its restore function. Even though I didn't have any SHSH blobs, I thought if I can only figure out which version was on there originally it should work! Downloaded EVERY version of ios 5, and every version of ios 6 just in case. It seemed to work with one or two, but it just hangs on 'please put your device in restore mode'. Even though itunes recognizes it as being in restore (well, DFU) mode.
@f4780y
As stated above, any freaking version. Ive tried every single version of ios 5, every single version of ios 6, and a couple of ios 4 in sheer desperation.
Any more tips? The closest Apple store is 2000km away by the way. Otherwise I probably would have tried to fix it by flinging it at random Apple employee's head.
Apple: not even once.
PS
I would of course never hurt anyone. Except maybe Steve Jobs. Who, luckily, is very dead.