1. Due to the recent site upgrade, the iPadForums (iPF) App will no longer work. The new iPadForums.net website has been designed from the ground up to work perfectly from any mobile, tablet, or desktop computer using the built in internet browser. Create a shortcut to iPadForums.net on your home screen by following these steps: Create an icon for iPadForums.net

Apple CEO Tim Cook ousted as Gil Amelio takes the helm as new Chief

Discussion in 'User News Submissions' started by egarske, Mar 31, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. egarske
    Offline

    egarske iPF Noob

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2011
    Messages:
    1
    Thanks Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    anaheim
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0
    The Apple board, meeting behind closed doors Sunday night, voted to oust Tim Cook as CEO. In his place, former Apple CEO Gil Amelio was voted in as interim lifetime CEO. “I am so glad to be back at the helm of this ship that is Apple,” Amelio proclaimed. “We’ll be placing this ship in dry dock and reinventing its wheels.” The board had no comment on its decision, only to issue the formal written statement that it has nothing to do with the recent Papal visit to Cupertino.
    Management Shake-up

    Amelio went on to further state that, “Cook will maintain an advisory position with Apple with the new title as Captain.” The Captain could not be reached for immediate comment as he was preparing Amelio’s French-pressed coffee with cream and sugar. However, an intern reported that Cook had already been severely reprimanded. Apparently Cook returned it with Sweet and Low and not Splenda. To which Amelio told Cook, very Kevin Spacingly; “If you can’t follow simple instructions, how can you be trusted with smaller decisions?”
    Sweeping Product Line Shift

    Extending the nautical metaphor Amelio announced a sweeping shift in its pursuit of dominating the underlying digital technology and circumnavigating back to the company’s analog roots. Gill was heard saying; “We started with analog, right?”
    iTunes Store shelved in favor of the iBrick and iMotor Store

    To this end, Gil announced plans to shut down the iTunes Store. “As soon as we finish selling out all the digital inventory in our warehouses, we’ll move to our new franchised line of iBrick and iMotor stores.”
    The new product line includes:
    • i45’s analog disks
    • i33’s analog laser disks
    • i78’s floppy albums
    Apple Hangs up iPhone in favor of the iRotary Landlines

    The next step to the conveyor chopping block holds the entire iPhone product line. “The iPhone is simply a flash in the pan. You know, like what happened to CB radios?”. Filling the void left by the iPhone is Apple’s new iRotary Landline phones. “Not only will this open up new markets, but it will leverage the existing analog infrastructure – until we need more bandwidth to stream analog music, movies and television.

    Wall Street announced late Sunday that in a move for financial diversification Monday Apple (AAPL.PK) will broaden its exchange offerings by being listed on the Pink Sheets.
    - Erick Garske,

    ***MODERATOR NOTICE-NO EXTERNAL LINKS-PLS READ THE RULES!***
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2012
  2. thewitt
    Offline

    thewitt iPad Ninja

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,631
    Thanks Received:
    70
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +70 / 0
    April Fools...
  3. Parrori1
    Offline

    Parrori1 iPad Fan

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2011
    Messages:
    199
    Thanks Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    Sc
    Ratings:
    +6 / 0
    And a good one at that.
  4. seneca18
    Offline

    seneca18 Super Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2011
    Messages:
    639
    Thanks Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, CO
    Ratings:
    +20 / 0
    That was good.
  5. Florian
    Offline

    Florian iPF Noob

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2012
    Messages:
    5
    Thanks Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0
    Not bad for first post...
  6. ACV2K12
    Offline

    ACV2K12 iPF Noob

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Thanks Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0
    Wow.... Got me good ;-)
  7. Yakuzagang5
    Offline

    Yakuzagang5 iPad Fan

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    122
    Thanks Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Ratings:
    +3 / 0
    Apparently he's been waiting exactly a year to use that lol
  8. tlbaker
    Offline

    tlbaker iPad Ninja

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    2,455
    Thanks Received:
    91
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +91 / 0
    OK, iRotary gave it away lol!!! Good one, though.

    Sent from my Verizon Black 64GB iPad 2 w IOS 5.1 Update From NYC!!! using iPF.net
  9. mannyberrios
    Offline

    mannyberrios iPad Fan

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    122
    Thanks Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0
    You had me going
  10. marksevlin
    Offline

    marksevlin iPF Noob

    Joined:
    May 1, 2012
    Messages:
    3
    Thanks Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    markselivn
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0
  11. col.bris
    Offline

    col.bris Administrator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2010
    Messages:
    5,513
    Thanks Received:
    405
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Brisbane , Queensland Australia
    Ratings:
    +438 / 0
    Thread closed
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Search tags for this page

apple ceo amelio

,

apple ceo gil

,
apple gil emilio quotes
,
emelio ceo apple
,
gil emelio apple
,

gil emilio apple

,

gil emilio board member

,

gill apple ceo

,
gill emilio apple
,
is tim cook gil amelio?
,
ousting tim cook
,
tim cook gil amelio
,
tim cook oust