Standard remark if you have broken wind in the presence of royalty: 'Is that an alpine horn I hear, Your Majesty?':p
Advice For Ogres#2: Every morning when you dip your finger in that pot of pond slime look in the mirror and say: 'I'm worth it!'
Advice For Ogres#3: Upside down Daleks make superb supersize ice cream cones.
